the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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