I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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