I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
