Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
