Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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