we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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