he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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