She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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