And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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