The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
