The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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