His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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