can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
