he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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