I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
