just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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