my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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