Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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