She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
