well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
