there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
