Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Buhtt sex?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's blow job season.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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