I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
