I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
