just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You can't special order awesome
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
