1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
