you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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