I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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