so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
