how can u be prego again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
