I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
