don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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