Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i will never coherently bang her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
