go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
