Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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