I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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