I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
