he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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