Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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