You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize