i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When are your genitals available?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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