I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
