I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
