i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
