i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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