Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
