It's like God shit irony all over that family
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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