I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Houston, we have a blender
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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