I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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