fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
