If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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