I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize