I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
