Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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