the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
