i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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