Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
