I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
