I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
