i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
